7 things I've done that I'll never do again on a Carnival cruise

Carnival Cruise Line is known for having the most fun ships at sea, and although they offer something for everyone, that doesn't mean every experience is guaranteed to be a hit.

After sailing on five Carnival cruises, from short Bahamian getaways to port-intensive Alaska journeys, I've discovered what I like — and don't like — about the line. 

Sure, they're known for affordable vacations with great fast-casual dining, lively entertainment, and a low-key vibe. However, that same high-energy, budget-friendly approach can also come with trade-offs. 

I have a pretty good gauge of how I feel about the cruise line and am confident that I will never do a few things aboard one of their ships again. 

I'll never sail on Carnival's oldest and smallest ships again

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For starters, there's a good chance you'll never, ever catch me aboard an older Carnival ship again. Having sailed on Carnival's Excel Class ships twice — Mardi Gras and Carnival Celebration — it's clear that I much prefer the experience on the more modern ships. 

And I've had plenty of experiences aboard Carnival's older fleet, including a five-night cruise on Carnival Elation, a four-night voyage on Carnival Conquest, and a seven-night sailing on Carnival Luminosa. 

Generally speaking, Carnival's older ships feel noticeably more limited in both space and amenities. For example, one of my favorite dining venues, Big Chicken, was introduced aboard Mardi Gras and rolled out across the other two Excel Class ships. However, it's only been added to one older vessel: Carnival Radiance. 

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Additionally, the entertainment was a lot better on Mardi Gras and Carnival Celebration. The Center Stage shows, in particular, were among some of the best performances I've seen on a cruise ship. 

On the flip side, the original production shows on ships like Carnival Vista and Carnival Elation felt more akin to a high school musical. Although there's no denying the performers' talent, the choreography felt lackluster, and the overall scale of the shows simply can't be compared to the immersive, high-tech production value found on Carnival's newer ships.

I'll avoid the crowded Lido Marketplace buffet

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One of Carnival's strengths is its fast-casual dining. Guy's Burger Joint easily dishes up some of the most consistent, juicy burgers at sea, and venues like BlueIguana Cantina offer casual Mexican fare that far surpasses lines like Royal Caribbean. 

However, one dining venue I'm not too fond of aboard Carnival ships is the Lido Marketplace. For starters, the quality is generally lacking compared to the poolside eateries, where the food is freshly prepared around the clock. 

Not only that, but cruise buffets are pretty unsanitary. Although the crew members encourage frequent handwashing, it's impossible to prevent germs from spreading when hundreds of passengers are touching the same serving utensils throughout the day. 

I'll never fall for Carnival's "make-it-a-double" sales tactic again

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Something else I've learned to avoid on Carnival cruises is the "make-it-a-double" upsell at the bars. On the surface, it sounds like a great deal because you can get twice the liquor in your drink for just a few extra dollars, usually $4. 

However, the problem is that this becomes an easy way to consume more alcohol than you originally intended, leading to uncomfortable headaches and queasy stomachs. Plus, these drinks often taste pretty bad since they're mostly liquor. 

I've begun avoiding all alcohol on my cruises because I've realized I enjoy my vacations more when I feel my best, rather than spending half the trip fighting off a hangover. If you do drink on a cruise, just make sure you're monitoring your intake and being safe!

I'll never cruise without a drink package

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Carnival Cruise Line offers three tiers of drink packages that appeal to guests with different budgets and drinking habits. The priciest is the CHEERS package, which includes up to fifteen alcoholic beverages per day, along with specialty coffees, soda, and more. 

However, Carnival also offers an inclusive zero-proof package and soda package. These are ideal for guests who want to enjoy drinks like specialty lattes, soft drinks, mocktails, and more. 

Earlier this year, I tried Carnival's Bottomless Bubbles soda package, and although it's the most restrictive of the three, including just fountain beverages and juice, I found that it fit my needs far better than I expected. Plus, it costs less than Carnival's zero-proof package!

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In the end, there's the perfect drink package for all types of cruises and lets you enjoy more than tap water, watered-down juices, and drip coffee. 

I'll avoid Guy's Burger Joint on embarkation day

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Guy's Burger Joint is one of the most popular venues aboard any Carnival ship — and for good reason! The juicy, fresh burgers come piled high with toppings and seasoned fries. It seriously is a must-visit on any sailing!

That said, I quickly learned that it's not the spot to go for a quick meal on embarkation day. The line can get really long as everyone heads straight for their first meal on board. 

On my first-ever Carnival cruise, I made the grave mistake of trusting that the line would move more quickly than expected. In the end, I waited over 45 minutes after reaching the point of no return, and did not want to have wasted so much time for nothing. 

I won't plan on getting off at Amber Cove — unless I book an excursion

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Normally, I'm a sucker for private cruise destinations, such as Half Moon Cay, Celebration Key, and Perfect Day at CocoCay. That said, Amber Cove was a huge let-down, and it's not somewhere I would choose to get off again. 

There aren't any pristine stretches of beaches or complimentary BBQ buffets. Instead, the entire port feels pretty commercialized with a heavy focus on pool parties and day drinking. Plus, onboard packages, like drink and internet packages, don't work ashore. 

That said, Amber Cove is a great gateway to the Puerto Plata region, so this is definitely somewhere I'd recommend booking a shore excursion. Thrill seekers will like the famous Damajagua Waterfalls, while others may prefer a laid-back city tour. 

I’ll never wait until the last day of my Carnival cruise to cross the onboard thrills off my must-do list

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Finally, if there's anything you really, really want to do while on your Carnival cruise, don't leave it for the last minute. 

For example, if you want to ride BOLT aboard Mardi Gras, Carnival Celebration, or Carnival Jubilee, make sure you book a time slot for the first or second day. I'd even advise choosing a port day since I've had both my sea day experiences canceled or delayed due to inclement weather. 

Additionally, if there's a specialty restaurant you're dying to try, make a reservation before you sail through Carnival's easy-to-use online planning portal. Although you can try to score a last-minute reservation, places like Bonsai Teppanyaki fill up quickly due to their popularity.